Orrorin’s Diary

The unweathered mask

We are acquainted although you’re not aware of my existence.

How could it be when I know your unconcern

For someone like me.

Months have passed since the day

I decided to shadow the light you wonderfully cast.

I feel like a stalker,

Crawling the ground,

Hiding behind stone corners.

How weak of me to fall low in this masochistic form of voyeurism.

At dark,

I follow your trail,

Engulfed in shadows of dim lantern lights;

A place I learned to be part of,

Where I belong.

The day I cloak myself in your shade,

Where I feel secure.

Your warmth flows in this pale spot of gloom

And quench my thirst for your love.

This disparaging sense is my depravation,

For love is an age old emotion

Accepting all sacrifice.

My desire for you is unconceivable,

The despair behind the ice-cold mask still remains unweathered.

Like a hunter in search for the perfect shot,

I feel the need to haunt your every move,

Inhale the perfume of your breathe coming out of your gracious mouth.

I see you crying,

I hear your laugh.

I whisper  you my affection,

But shy from your reluctant neglect.

Your heart remains fathomless,

Open your shell,

Let me trough this shelter.

My passions for you are limitless,

The fear of loosing you terrifies my inner self.

The ice-cold mask cannot be shattered yet.

My white steed ran away,

My wings have failed me.

Only the will is left,

Weakened but indelible.

With all the force that rest me in this enfeebled body,

I shout,

I shout silently your name.

The sadness behind this scream must have touched most but you,

As we still haven’t met.

The inner pain of this unheard squall gnaws me from within;

Eats my mind,

Corrodes my soul.

My desire for you is unconceivable,

The emotions of the ice-cold mask still remain dull.

Mesmerized from the first regard,

I ever since needed you.

A man’s world without you,

Will crumble to dust.

My heart is craving for your desire.

Apophthegm of a rebellious fool

How can fate follow another path…

I have lived a life of insubordination in a world of order.

Being sentenced to death,

My sole blunder were the words I used to taunt the authority.

My sentences were sharp,

Razor-edged criticism engulfed in a melody of sarcastic despair.

This long reign has to stop.

Hear me my gaoler,

Abolish order,

Welcome human disorder.

Perfection does not exist.

Strive for an illusion,

Be lost without humanity nor individuality.

Better isn’t always what is best,

That’s the irony of life.

We search for harmony:

A balance between good and evil,

Ying-yang, love-hatred, order-chaos,

Discipline and freedom.

Destroy one,

Find a dictatorship.

An enlighten despot or a tyrant.

The choice is not yours but ours.

My outrightness may be offending thee,

As of course,

This is my goal.

I have been sentenced to death…

Executioner,

Listen to my last request.

People hear what I’ve got to say;

Understand the meaning behind every word.

I give you the chance to change your life,

Make it your own.

Mine has been gone,

Sacrificed a long time ago.

A choice I made for your sake.

Now the words of martyr have been spoken,

I am ready.

All set for departure.

Away I will fly,

Burnt in the fire of unholy abjuration,

Mendacious sign of a cleansing ablution.

I leave my words behind as a snake does with his skin.

You’ve got a souvenir,

Use it wisely my kin.

The government defoliates the seed of creation and freedom in you.

They are the weed that must be sentenced,

For allowing our downfall to what we’ve become.

I have been sentenced to death from the mere moment

I fully understood the truth.

Now you’ve heard it all,

Feel the pain and irony of the knowledge as you are next!

Eventually,

My sentence is not death but freedom;

Where I can relinquish my leash of order,

The chain of shallowness,

A melodramatic parody we call life.

Do not abnegate the sole purpose of life given to us from our very first seed:

Individual liberty!

12 February 2000

War 

I scream; you heard my shout.
I cried for help, you’re pointing at me with your gun.
We both are soldiers, each on his side.
We both are humans, following another path.
We both are brothers, although one may have forgotten.

Robert, don’t you recognize me, Paul, your little brother?!
War is ugly, but we’re family; help me.
You’re scaring me! Why this face?

I’m not your enemy, let us forget this;
The war, everything!
We only have to run away, together…

Listen to me, we faced a lot before the war, we faced a lot during the war.
Now we face each other.
We don’t have to.
Let us face a future, our future, where we both can live in peace; together!

You’re right little bro…
We have seen a lot those last years.
Soldiers die during battle, civilians executed, children violated.
War is no pleasure…but a necessity for stopping people like you!

We had the same parents; we lived under the same roof.
You chose your path and I mine.
Life isn’t always funny and this day less than all others.
However, I have a mission, a mission to accomplish.
You were a nice brother, now you’ll be a dead man.
Die in peace and redeem yourself for all the sins you’ve committed those last years!

BAM!

21 February 2000